Too much grammar on funny vibes.

HOW SCHOOL BOYS USED TO WRITE
LETTERS TO GIRLS IN THOSE GOOD, OLD

DAYS BEFORE GSM APPEARED.
Govt. Sec. School. Kaduna
P.O. BOX 2013
29TH JAN. 1991
Dear Sweet,
Ditto...
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper.I hope you're swimming in the wonderful pool of
Mr. Health over there,if so, doxology! I am also parambulating in the cool breeze of wellness here.Sweetie pie,the reason why this miraculous thing is happening is
because, honey,I love you spontaneously, and as I stand horizontally parallel to the wall and vertically perpendicular to the
ground now,I only think of you,since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl,put together as fantabulous.I implore you to decipher this my anthem of love oozing out from the innermost pendulum of my thoraxialcavity.

Darling, please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat.To me each day I start by dreaming of you.Each time I see you,my metabolism suddenly halts and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear. My medula oblongata also ceases functioning.Crazy,crazy,crazy you may say but this is verily veritable.If only you
knew what is going on in my encephalon, you would prostrate.That's why I need to see you vis a vis soon for a better elucidation throughtete a tete.No hyperbole and onomatopoeia,simple candidness.Only you and me are protagonists in this subtle affair.As I cogitate and ruminate over the last episode,I genuflex before the Omnipotent and implore him to let this affair emulsify. By the way,I was bamboozled,scintilated, exhilarated,and left in a state of prolonged euphoria by the contents of your missive which was quite edifying and exalting.It left my bio-chemistry in a paradise-like
equilibrium.Empirically speaking,I love u
chemically.I don't ever want to see gloom and doom looming over your angelic live portrait.Let my appellation be scribbled across your heart,with indelible ink.If any boy tries to ask for your companionship,
tell him that u are leased and
caveated.I think I have to pen off here, because I still haven't finished
studying electrolysis polymerization.
But before I evaporate,I like to revitalize your memory with those encapsulating lyrics which proclaim that your catarrh is my butter,your piss is my mimbo,the world's greatest lover is me.Catch you later.Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite you because you are too sweet for them.Goodbye for now.Your slave in love,your pillow, your cushion,Ramson Coo.
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A man caught a thief at night in his kitchen.Just when the man was going to raise the alarm,the thief said:"Do you remember what I said in the Bible?I said "I will come like a thief in the night"."I have come again.Blessed are you among men that you have stayed awake as I told you." Then the man looked at the thief,smiled and replied, "Sir, you have fallen into the hands of Pontius Pilate again for the second time"I will nail u tonight!!! The thief fainted.
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I went to buy Recharge card from One Aboki who sells stuff on my street,
when I got there he was arguing with another Aboki,suddenly he turned to me and said  {oga abeg shebi na toothpaste marry animal Calling}

I have never been so confused in my life, I kept asking him to repeat what he meant but he kept saying the same thing I was frustrated,I had to leave them to their argument as I couldn't be of help.But it kept bothering my mind,what could this guy mean?? After weeks of racking my brain to decipher the meaning of his statement,

Na this morning I realize wetin the guy dey ask me.What he was saying was {Oga abeg shebi na 2face Marry Annie Macaulay.
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One guy posted I LOVE MY BED....So soft and big?

The moment I liked it,he deleted the post.He didn't even allow me to comment sef.

Well He's my neighbour and he sleeps on a mat.
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Long ago I usually disturb my neighbor by name "Abbey" by pressing their door bell and run away.Till it got faulty and I touched it, and it shocked me.I decide it won't be only me that will get the shock, So I called my short brother Dapo Taiwo to press the bell he was not able to
reach so I carried him up.....

Friends What happened changed
my life...Since then I've never touched
anything bell again...
Cowbell,door bell,church bell,
house bell,School bell,even jingle
bell,jingle bell... I don't sing it
again.I don't even like d name Abel,
Annabel,Mabel,Mirabel and Christabel again...Because the fear of bell is the
beginning of long life...